Anxiety and some old man ramblings…

Every day since no longer being employed I’ve been so filled with anxiety about my future…I just want a break from it, one that lasts longer than a couple hours. The roommate bullshit doesn’t help, but she’s going to mostly moved out by this weekend. I’ve also had a lack of motivation to actually go out and apply to jobs. I mean I’ve done a little bit, but I could do more.

Thanks to one of my former co-workers, I have a breakfast meeting tomorrow morning with someone who might have some connections that will hopefully lead to a job. I’m so nervous though. I sent her an updated version of my resume, but I don’t have a printed copy that is updated, but hopefully that won’t matter. More nerve wracking is the fact that I have no money, so I can’t get anything tomorrow and I hope she doesn’t comment. I just hope the meeting goes well.

There is a bright side though…I was getting my outfit ready for tomorrow and I wanted to wear, but this last November it was really tight. I tried it on anyways because I’ve lost some weight and it fit. Definitely a good sign, sometimes its hard to tell if I’ve made any progress.

I hate looking for apartments.

It really stresses me out, mainly because I haven’t found one yet and I’m starting school today, but I also hate calling so many different people. I feel stupid and stumble over my words and probably sound like an idiot. Then, when I finally go to see an apartment, I sometimes forget to ask certain questions. Oh, and it’s really depressing when you think you’ve found a great apartment at a good price, but then you actually see it and it’s a dump.

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I don’t know what to do.

A couple months ago, when Maralee and I were still talking, she told me about a wine tasting trip that the Alumni Center was putting together for graduating seniors. So, we both signed up, planning to go together. Well, the trip is tomorrow and I don’t know anyone else who is going. I’m kind of afraid that I will run into Maralee and that it’ll be really awkward. Plus, I hate going to events alone. There is still time to cancel, but I really don’t want to, mainly because I’m not sure I can get my $5 back and because I really love wine. However, if I go and run into Maralee, I’m not sure how I should act. Should I even acknowledge her presence? Should I just say “hi” and be civil, but otherwise not engage with her?